I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
