If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize