Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
