highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
