your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think my vagina is haunted
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
be right there i have to get my cape
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
