So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
