Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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