I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
