it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's the barista slut.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize