Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
