this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
