Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
