He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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