i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
