When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
