So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
