i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
