he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize