dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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