Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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