Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
