stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
