Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
