can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
