Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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