8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
