I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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