I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
