Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
