I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
