I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
