I wish my penis had an off switch
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
