It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
