there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
