Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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