I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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