I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
