I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
