guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
