thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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