I hate your face
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
