I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
