apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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