whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
