when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
