There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
