Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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