Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize