at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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