I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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