I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
