You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize