k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
