Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
