and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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