so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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