Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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