so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
