It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
