Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
