and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize