Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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