I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
