I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
