How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
