you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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