Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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