Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
