Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
