i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she peed on how many people?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
