the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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