my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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