ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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