I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
