So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
