So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
