yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize