My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Enjoy the penises
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
