so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
