I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
