I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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