oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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